‘I’m too fat’, ‘I can’t loose weight’, ‘I’m too lazy to exercise’… does this self talk sound familiar? If so you are not alone. I have been working with a lot of clients lately, and self-talk and self-esteem/worth/love (whatever you want to call it) has been the topic of conversation. I wanted to share one of the stories with you, in the hope it will help you.
A beautiful client of mine was talking about ‘brain washing’ herself. I was like ‘brain washing!?’ There are so many negative connotations to this word, but after speaking with her, I started to see it as a positive… We can brain wash ourselves both in positive or negative ways. It takes the same energy, if not more when we are being negative. So let’s fill our minds with as much of the positive as we can.
During my session with her this quote came up:
OK then if it’s not food, what is the issue!? Often it’s about what is going on in our minds, yep that thing in our heads… our brains! So here I’m going to shed some light on how our brain actually works, not only when it comes to food, but all aspects of our life.
There is a part at the base of our brain called the ‘Reticular Activating System’ (RAS). The RAS filters the billions of bits of information we are exposed to each day, it does this based on our experiences, beliefs, values, attitudes, memories, language and so on.
So lets use a new car to explain this a bit further… How many of you have purchased or been interested in purchasing a new car and you then keep seeing it on the road? You RAS is going out in search of evidence, because this is what you are focusing on at that time in your life.
So bottom line… It only filters through what is most important to us, it works out what is most important to us, by what we focus on most! If we focus on ‘I am fat’ our RAS will either go out and find evidence for that statement (we look at ourselves in the mirror and only see fat), or it will create the evidence… Enter ‘self-sabotage’, where we take action to support that thought. This is where our brain bully may come in and say ‘oh stuff it’, like literally – the cake, the chocolate, the chips, the wine.
So our focus is in the wrong area. we are getting so fixated on the food we put in our mouth… How much we are eating, what we are eating, when we are eating… We get obsessive about that number on the scales! Food and exercise are not the issue… It is our relationship with them.
Is your relationship with food and exercise one of fear of love?
Do you focus on what you weigh as a reflection of your worth?
Do you worry each time you fall off the bandwagon of any other fad diet? Then think stuff it, and literally stuff it? The chocolate, chips, burgers etc into your mouth.
Or do you eat mindfully and gratefully with each mouthful?
Do you choose foods because they will nourish your body and soul or based on the calorie count?
I’m hearing you sister if it’s the fear side, cause I’ve been there. For me the journey has been a long process. Read more about my real raw account of my journey in the blog ‘learning to love your body’. Are there days where I look in the mirror and judge that bit of extra fat that (I think) has appeared? Of course, but I can now say, but changing my focus away from the weight to health has made a huge difference.
So what may work for you? My suggestion and what worked for me…
- Start seeing the good in the mirror each day, it doesn’t matter how small you start, just see the good… Even if it’s the way the nail on your pinky finger looks!
- Turn your negative self talk (your too fat, too ugly) into what you want (remember that RAS). I use the statement: I notice I’m getting better at… Loving my body. This helps to trick the mind until you are ready to say I love my body, because maybe right now, your not there.
People think you need to see it to believe it but it’s actually… You will need to believe it to see it!
I hope this has helped you to continue (or start) on your journey to loving you! ‘Cause girl, you are worth it!